Meet Your New Safe Space!
The Cider of the Month!
As terrifying as it can sometimes be to open up to your significant other, this is a vital step to moving you both forward. The hardest part is starting!
"Providing a safe space for open expressions can be pivitol in lowering an emotional wall"-Jazz.
Wassup, Witches, Warlocks, Goblins, and Ghouls!! Happy October, yall! Ohh, snap, I almost forgot my bad bishes and bomb ash dudes!! October is my FAVORITE month! If you can't tell. Not just because IT'S MY MUTHA' FREAKING BIRTHDAY MONTH, but also because it's truly FALL, and oh yea, HALLOWEEN!!! So, here's how it's going down today! It's all about safe spaces! I have shared with you all before that I am the catch-all for my friend's feelings. I mean, I am the one they call when they need someone to listen and provide the unbiased truth whether they want to hear it or not. So, I will take that same approach here because, after all, we are friends, right? Good!
DISCLAIMER: I only provide my opinion, I share my experiences with you to help, and maybe you can relate to some of them! Has there ever been an argument in any of your relationships, and neither of you could agree on the compromise, and you BOTH were too stubborn to talk it out until you reached a consensus? Therefore the tension carried on for longer than it should have? Nope? Just me? Ok, that's fine too! Well, cue the storytime music, I was in a relationship where an incident occurred, I was not at fault, but I was soo angry at my boyfriend because I felt it was all his fault, and he dared to get upset with me for a decision HE made. I could not let it go. I carried that anger with me for almost a week!
Sidebar: Yall ever get mad at your spouse or partner, and because of it, EVERYTHING they do pushes a button on your pissed-o-meter? Nope? Again, just me? Oh, ok, that's cool too! He was pushing all kinds of piss-jazz-off buttons! LOL!
Vulnerable Moment:
Attitude Breakdown-> 49.1% Confidence 50.1% Doubtful!
I know, I know, stubborn! But here is the thing, I was only hurting myself. I couldn't sleep. The tension I wasn't portraying outwardly was being concentrated inside my body and manifesting as aches, pains, stiffness, frustrations, and the like. Here is the kicker, I wanted to talk to him about it; I did, but my EGO, pride, and whatever else would not allow me to. So I did the only thing I could, I started writing and crafting. I made a "Safe Space" sign. In a roundabout way, this was my cry for help. It was me saying that I needed someplace to talk where I wouldn't be judged and that I wanted to talk but was too prideful, stubborn, and God knows what else just to come out and say it! Recently, I was flipping through some Instagram reels, and I saw one that said, "Everybody grown until it's time to communicate, or tell the truth!" Whew, the levels to that ish! How many times a day have we said, "I'm grown, I got this"? Me? yeah, I don't say that, lol! No, REALLY, I don't say I'm grown because I will ALWAYS need my daddy, but that's just me, I know! But the point is that It's true. We all have those moments where we say we are grown, but when it's time to be an adult about a situation, we have nothing to say, we act passive-aggressively, we blow up for no reason, instead of just talking it out.
“My EGO, My PRIDE, and My Whatever Else Wouldn’t Let Me”
However, creating that safe space sign inspired me to share my story and stress the importance of open communication in relationships. The point of the space was to let him know that I needed a safe space to feel open. With the safe space territory came some boundaries; no one was right or wrong; the point was to listen and understand, be naked and truthful with each other, and nothing was held against us. It was a time to ask the questions we always wanted to but never did for whatever reason. It was a place to lay our insecurities, doubts, and fears on the table and to work through each of them together. After that conversation, we felt closer, lighter, and I knew I had been unreasonable, yet I still knew that was the time I needed to process my feelings. We agreed that if either of us was worried about something, angry or frustrated with the other, made a mistake, wanted to vent, or we were going through anything that would hinder communication between us, we would use the safe space to talk about it; feely!.
For years safe spaces have been created for those that felt ostracized or felt like outcasts. Educators worldwide have placed signs in their classrooms reminding the impressionable that this space is protected and secure. Restaurants have put safe space signs for the LGBTQIA community; why should our personal relationships be different?
What do you think? Would it be beneficial to create a dedicated safe space in your relationship? Whether that be a room in the home you share, your car, a park, anyplace that you both could go to when problems arise and talk openly and honestly. Leave your thoughts in the comments!
As for that guy and me, we are still going strong, yep we have our ups and downs like any other two people that share a space, but we still have that safe space sign-up. Since the beginning, it has gotten a bit of a refresh, but it's most certainly still a staple. Sometimes we forget that it exists because we are human and have emotions that sometimes overpower us, but when we snap out of it, we can meet in the space and talk about what happened! I hope this helps you in your relationships; maybe it was the thing you needed to try before calling it quits!
As always, thank you ALL for allowing me to share my passions and experiences with you! I hope that my blog inspires you to go after what you want and believe in yourself because I believe in you! Now strike your POWER POSE- We got this, LET’S GET TO IT!!
Keep Shining Loves
-💕Jazz
