Strength, Courage, Wisdom, Peace
Thought of peace race feverously through my veins and mind. The feeling of an unrelenting tug in opposite directions leaves me torn. All I ask for is the sense of urgency that comes with a heightened awareness of reality. I want nothing more than to lose the anxiety and wake each morning with an unmatched fearlessness. I know that I hurt one moment and am happy the next. I know further that the weight I carry is made much lighter with the help of my loving friends and family. What do you do when each breath you take constricts your chest and knocks you to your knees. How do you push through when your legs can't hold you and your body is fighting itself. Who do you turn to when you pour all of your energy into being all you can be, and by the time you reach the end, the pure exhaustion is enough to make you want to end it all. Blow after blow, round for round, you and life in the ring. One hit from life, back up, and you strike back, two hits, and a combo and down you go, ref says one, ref says two, and boom, your back up, to fight. Ding ding ding round 30. Breakfast, in the ring, round 31 taking its toll, you fight and fight, and finally, you feel like you have the upper hand; what next
Hey Guys, Im Back;
sorry about last week; I just couldn't. As I have said many times before, writing is my happy place; it gives me the freedom I want so badly in my everyday life. So as you all know, last week was mother's day, and this year for me was HARD, I mean one of the hardest. I cried all day and felt sick most of Monday. I even made a video tribute to my mom and couldn't post it because it hurt too much to watch it. I may not know precisely where these emotions stem from, but what I do know is that all I want is to make my mom proud. I want to grieve the gaping hole I have in my heart so that it can heal and I can walk tall when I think f her. I want to process the loss and accept the reality of life without her so that I won't hurt with every breath.
I started therapy last week, and it has been good t get back into the groove of things. I am not yet sure if I like this one yet because I feel like she talks too much; maybe it's a delusion, but during our sessions, I feel as though she does most of the talking, which in my opinion, is counterproductive to the progress I want to make. I feel great when expressing my feelings, but sometimes I feel reluctant. After a few more sessions, I think I will decide if I will keep going with her.
Vulnerable Moment: I just want to survive
So, about the past few weeks! In particular, this past week was a rollercoaster, not in a bad way, just a way that made me test my limits. I had a customer who was the victim of a scam. The total loss ended at around $46,000, and she came to me for help. What do you do at that moment?
In those instances, I want to be their advocate; I want to fight tooth and nail to resolve their issues. I had never asked to speak to a supervisor so many times, lol! After I reached an impasse and gave her the next steps, I started to think. I thought I was fighting so hard because I cared about the customer, or was I trying to prove something to myself. After a bit of thinking, I believe it ended up being a bit of both.
Strength Courage and Wisdom
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Strength Courage and Wisdom 〰️
It takes a village to raise a child right; it also takes a village to save them!
I cared about the customer and felt terrible for her and what she was going through; I then thought that I had the power to change it! I wanted to be the one that could do it! But why? Was it an internal complex? Was I trying to compensate for another area I felt I lacked in, Idk maybe? Overall I think I am on the upswing from where I have been these past few months. I say this all the time, but all I want is peace. All I want is to wake up anxiety-free and live my life unapologetically happy, healthy, and healed. What about you?
Just A Reminder
Black Girls
Will ALWAYS
Be MAGIC!
As always, thank you ALL for allowing me to share my passions and experiences with you! I hope that my blog inspires you to go after what you want and believe in yourself because I believe in you! Now strike your POWER POSE- We got this, LET’S GET TO IT!!
Keep Shining Loves
-💕Jazz
