My Forever First Lady
The Begining: You graced this world with your presence 61 years and 4 days ago. You brought with you a force so strong, a laugh so infectious, and a love so forceful that you could and often would make the dark days for many seem like a distant memory. You were the strongest, most dedicated woman I have ever seen, and still, to this day, no one holds that title better than you, my love. You made your way through adolescence and into adulthood, where you learned what love is.
34 years 8 months, and 16 days ago, you vowed to spend the rest of your life with a man; I wish you had consulted me on because MY GOD woman, he is soo much like a dad; it's killing me! Lol! How dare you not ask me if I wanted a man-person, Dad-thing, that is so loving in his own way, annoying in EVERY way, supportive in the only way he knows how to be, did I mention annoying.
The Kids: 30 years, 10 months, and 27 days ago, you all decided to bring a beautiful baby girl into this world, which, under the influence of anesthesia, you both named Jazsmaine. I also wish you would have consulted me on this; maybe I could have written the terms and conditions of the decision, mainly one clause "must not let child, "Adult," lol. That baby girl spent the most glorious three-and-a-half years being the only one and then 27 yrs 6 months 13 days ago, boom, again with no consultation, you and this dad fellow brought some small screaming thing home. Because I was not consulted, I decided that it was a mistake and knew that it needed to go back to where it was supposed to be, so I mailed it, or at least I tried, to no avail, of course! You, my Forever, First Lady, always knew what was best for your babies even though we didn't think so, well, more like I didn't think so. In those days, you saying "NO" to me or grounding me was you being mean! Looking back on it, having an open-minded, opinionated, question-asking, rebellious 13-year-old can make you wonder what the outcome of that will be. So, I now realize that those actions were your love and protection.
15 Years 4 Months 8 Days Ago
The Day: 4:03 am -Phone rings, It's the hospital. 1:17 pm Dad walking up the driveway, I knew something was wrong. You, my love, had transitioned from this life to the next. This day taught me about true feelings. The feeling of my chest getting so tight, making my heart seemingly suffocate from pain, caused me to lose consciousness. The loss of my mother at such a pinnacle point in my life presented to me so much pain. Losing you left me with a void that I have not been able to fill. The absence of your presence still leaves me questioning so many things. My decisions, demeanor, emotions, or lack thereof often make me wonder if my improper processing of the situation has left me with the need to apply undue pressure on myself.
09/02/2021
Happy Birthday, My Queen! Mommy, I love you to the moon back and beyond. You are my strength, guiding force, my voice of reason, and my peace. I hear your laugh when I am down and your sternness when I am about to do something that I shouldn't. Although sometimes I feel the absence of your presence has left too many cracks in me to go on. I still push. I am determined to make proud while also making myself proud! I often think of you in my choices and how they would make you feel!. You are the best mother a girl could ask for! I miss you terribly every day! My prayer is that the pain will soon subside and the grief won’t be so debilitating! You, My Queen my heart, my soul, my everything, and more! I will always love you! Your light shines so bright and your smile is so infectious, I will make you proud! Happy Birthday To you, My Forever First Lady. I love you so much, and I’ll see you later!
In this closing, I want you to know that your healing WILL NOT look like mine. Your journey WILL NOT look like mine. The correlation is that we will both come out on the other side. No one can tell you how to grieve; no one can tell you how long it takes. Now, almost 16 years is a long time for me, and most of that could be because I never really accepted the fact, and therefore never properly processed it. May you be encouraged in your strength, in your grieving, and in your breakthrough because each of these milestones will be part of your story!
Keep Shining Loves
-💕Jazz
