The Week, and the Strong
True Tears
Hurt hits like a 20 lbs punch to the chest, wind knocked out, and breath choking. You gave me life; you gave me peace, your belief in me even when I gave you so many reasons not to. April 29, 2006, your eternal rest date, your smile was taken from me; your love was taken from. Me that peace you brought striped like wax. My heart hurts every day for the missing link that is you. No one tells you how to grieve; no one says which way is right, a 15-year grief cycle; man, I just went you back. Your last smile I see so clear your last "jazz don't do that" as stern as your nature, your last hug full love and protection if I knew they were the last I would have smiled a minute longer with you, did it again just to hear you say no, squeezed just a little tighter and lived just a little longer.
Lady, your absence is the biggest boid in my life and my heart, and I just don't know what to do; every day, I miss you some days just harder than others, I feel. Sometimes I'm the only one who remembers, the only one who hurts, the only one who feels lost without you! Sweet lady, I pray for one more moment to her your laugh to smell your scent to feel your love. I pray for one more moment just to be with you. I wish so hard that life could turn back that the 28th would last about 15 more years, and the 29th never comes. My Forever First Lady, you will always be with me, you will always be in my heart, and I will always love you. I pray that Every day I can make you smile. I pray that every day you can say "she did it," "she made it," and I'm so proud of her! I love you forever and always, and I will see you again! As this may be, Goodbye for now, and see you later too; I love and always live and eternally will for you!! I love you, My Forever First Lady!Keep Shining Loves-💕JazAs the sun rises for you remember there are two sides to the story!
Hey, hey beautiful people, as you can see, the last few weeks have been a bit of a struggle, but I am still here; I will not give up, even though sometimes it feels that giving up would be easier. But, when those thoughts enter, I use every ounce of strength I have to fight them, I think of my family, my future, and the life I so desperately want to create, and I find the strength to go on. I talk a lot about support systems and why they are important; this past week, I was reminded again.
So those closest to me saw that I was down and came to the rescue, lol! I had the chance to see Blue Man Group! I have wanted to see them live for at least ten years now, lol, and I FINALLY got to go! and let me just say IT WAS AWESOME!
Vulnerable Moment:
I have been having anxiety for about 3 weeks now!
I truly felt like a kid. I was mesmerized by the stage setup and the captivating sounds of the instruments; I think my favorite part of the show was the extent of the audience interaction. They truly made you feel like you were a part of the show. If you have never seen them live, I highly recommend adding that to your to-do list! I was then taken away to Panama City Beach for a weekend excursion! We went to the beach, met some pretty awesome beachgoers, we had dinner at Sake Japanese II muah-chef's kiss-, and Mr. Chen is fantastic! He really knows how to make you feel at home!
“Taking a step back doesn’t FIX your problems it better equips you to handle them”
After that, we headed back to the hotel, and we stayed up most of the night just chatting, I was able to tell them about some of my recent struggles, and they just listened. The next day we went to this indoor amusement park-Wonder Works- and it was so cool! The building is upside down! No worries, though, you are right-side-up, lol! It's 3-levels of fantastic adventures. We played with bubbles, learned about pulleys, raced a dragon, rode a 360-bike, laser tag, tried to find the yellow bead,
saw how "hot" we were, got a life lesson on the perception of reality, climbed 3-levels of ropes, beams, and bridges! After that riveting adventure, we headed back home; along the way, we stopped at two adorable farmer's markets. I ended up getting some summer tomato dressing and some wildflower honey! I am super excited about the dressing. I think it's going to be so yummy!
It takes a village to raise a child right; it also takes a village to save them!
All in all, I had a great trip! I honestly wish I could say I feel better, but I can't, I thoroughly enjoyed my time away, and I didn't think about my struggles the entire time. Still, when I got back, it's like they hit me like a ton of bricks, but here is the caveat, although my struggles are still here, and although I am still working through them, I do feel like I found a second wind to push through! When I started this blog, I told you all that I was going, to be honest, and that is the truth! Going away didn't fix or change my problems, nor did it make them go away; what it DID was give me a new lens from which to view them!
I must say, I do feel better equipped to conquer them. Even with the anxiety and the worry I have and the feelings of inadequacy, I managed to push forward still, and you can too!! Just make sure you have the right people around you that know when you need something even when you won't tell them!
Just A Reminder
Black Girls
Will ALWAYS
Be MAGIC!
As always, thank you ALL for allowing me to share my passions and experiences with you! I hope that my blog inspires you to go after what you want and believe in yourself because I believe in you! Now strike your POWER POSE- We got this, LET’S GET TO IT!!
Keep Shining Loves
-💕Jazz
